Do we really need therapy?
I have couples ask me that all the time. There’s usually a question behind that question, though. That question is, “If we really love one another, shouldn’t we be able to work this out on our own?” This question puts a lot of stress on a couple. For some reason, we believe that we should be smart enough, or faithful enough, or loving enough to handle this complex web of interactions called marriage even though most of us couldn’t name more than one or two healthy couples that we know of, and we didn’t grow up with a great model for how to do marriage ourselves. It’s like trying to put together a 1000 piece puzzle without looking at the picture on the box!
“All you need is love,” is a great sentiment, but sometimes you need a little help along the way. That’s where couples therapy can be helpful. Whether it’s learning the necessary skills to have healthy conflict, or changing recurring patterns that have become detrimental to the intimacy you desire, couples therapy can provide a space for learning a new way and opening a new chapter in your relationship.
How do you know when you need to call the marriage therapist?
It may be time for help when:
- One of you has had an affair or is thinking of having an affair.
- The word “divorce” is used as an option or a threat.
- You’re having more fights and fewer discussions.
- You’ve used phrases like “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”
- Sex isn’t fulfilling or fun anymore.
- You or your partner is controlling or demanding.
- Resentment keeps you from seeing the positives in your relationship or your partner.
- You feel like you can’t do or say anything right anymore.
- You feel like you are walking on eggshells, or you’re just roommates.
- You can’t honestly state what you want or need out of the relationship.
- You’re a rookie. You’re about to get married for the first time or you’re about to get re-married and not sure how to start in a healthy way.
Remember, it’s a process. All relationships have a rhythm, a pattern of connection, distance, and re-connection or repair. But we can get stuck along the way.
That’s why we’re here…to help you get out of the cycles that are causing disconnect and move into ones that reunite you as a couple. Marriage counseling helps couples of all types recognize and resolve conflicts and improve their relationships.
Don’t get me wrong. It doesn’t always end with happily ever after, but I tell couples every day that there are healthy ways to fix this relationship, and there are healthy ways to dissolve the relationship. Whichever path you end up choosing, you want to have someone along the way to help you make the healthy choice. I’ve been able to be that person for hundreds of couples over the years, and I’d be honored to help you as well. Give me a call or schedule an appointment so we can get started and get your relationship back on track.